I'm writing this in the spare bedroom - well, it was my studio until last night. My girlfriend and I broke up.

I'm a mess. I won't even tell you what I want to do to myself.

It's awkward, we live in the same flat. What the hell do I do? I can't afford to live here alone so of course it is expected that I am the one to leave. I have nowhere to go. There is no room at mum's, no room at my brother's, no room with any of my very few friends.

I can't stay here, it's too weird. SHe's in the next room, what was OUR bedroom. What's worse, she's treating everything like it's just another day.

I don't know where to go, what to do. I'm broke, I'm disabled, I'm in pain and I am going through severe depression. I don't feel safe. I don't feel I can ring the emergency line when she's in the next room. I don't want her hearing me break down.

I just want to dissappear right now.