your not terrible...alcohol depressent so yeah i can understand why you feel bad it's making you feel worse.....some people need to hit bottom to stop some people don't...unfortunatley/fortunately i had to hit bottom...than dig another 150 feet and then dig 5 more times after that to reach mine.
Who know you may not need to do that...but even wanting to stop is a huge success in it's self you actually kow you have a problem! so many people deny that for many years...soi your ahead wether you see it or not...you just need to learn the tools to get yourself sober not just to getting sober but tools to live life without it cause it looks like you started in your teens if i'm right and that just took a chunk out of "how to live life" for ya.