All of you....Thank you for your thoughts and words and encouragement. I want to address each one of you, but I haven't yet figured out how to quote more than one person in a post!!

I think that Improving really captured the way that I feel about watching my kids with their dad with this......
"as I read your beautiful words about your daughter's relationship with your husband, I thought both 'what a gift to be able to see this relationship in action and be able to relate your own stage of development to this' and 'how hard, to see something you cannot have being played out right in front of you'. "......

THAT is EXACTLY it!! It is really such a mish-mosh of counter-emotions....intense gratitude that my kids get this relationship with their dad. It warms my spirit to watch the bond and love and to KNOW that they are getting these things that will make their life so much better than mine ever was. But, what has really surprised me, and what I never expected is the sense of loss I feel as I watch these things happen in front of me, and realize how much I needed them....realize how much I didn't get, how important it is, and how much I now work to get it from my T. It is really, really painful.

Of course, because life is funny this way, I wanted all boys because I thought that I would worry less.....and I got three girls instead . Part of me does believe that they each offer an opportunity to sort of re-parent myself through them....to give them what I missed, and to watch them get what I missed via their father. It's such a blessing, but FAR more painful and gut-wrenching than I ever anticipated. It has really opened up a whole new level to my healing and has taken my therapy in new directions.

When my 3-year old cries and hurts because she misses her dad, I always just hold her and tell her I understand.....because that's what I would want someone to do for me, and because I DO understand. I really really DO! In some way, I guess the goal is for each of us to learn to comfort ourselves in this way.....to hold the 3-year-old within and tell him/her we understand, and it's ok to miss and to long and to want. It's ok to feel big huge emotions. It's ok, you are not alone, you are loved.......*sigh* Of course, I *want* my T to do this comforting but I know that the goal is to learn to do it myself. Not easy!!

So much love to each and every one of you!