I've been reading some of the previous posts re: transference and gotta admit, I have a bad case of it. I'm a 57 year old man - physical/sexual abuse survivor (both parents and others) - married - and have been in therapy for about 3 years. (1st therapy experience) Some time ago I began to experience romantic feelings for my therapist - 55 year old single female. It started with me hinting at the subject in sessions - making lite of them - laughling it off. Then it progressed to my serously wishing we had met under different circumstance because I felt we could have been "good" for each other. This, in spite of the logical part of me saying "why would someone as emotionally suffisticated as her want someone as f---ked up as you." And besides, I am married to a wonderful woman who has been nothing but supportive thoughout this process for me. But in spite of my attempts to minimize - rationalize - reason with myself - or remind myself of the realities here, those feelings for her continued to grow. To the point where I'd be out on a Saturday nite with my wife & wondering what my therapist was doing - seeing her with another man - which at once broke my heart & made me feel horribly guilty for having these thoughts about another woman. And then the attempts to "talk it away" began. Finally yesterday, I told her of these feelings - said that I had often thought about seeing another therapist - that it was unfair to her to have a client who thought of her this way - and who spent more time in sessions trying to present a false image of "wellness" so that perhaps she'd want him too. That is was terribly unfair to my wife who deserves a husband who doesn't have these sorts of thoughts about another woman. And that it was unfair to me - that I need a therapist who I don't have these thoughts about - maybe a man - so as to not cloud the reasons I came to therapy in the first place. Scarry stuff!! At one point I truly believed my guts were going to jump out of my skin. I was convinced that if I ever told her this, I'd be wisked out of her office so fast & handed over to a male therapist it would make my head spin. Well, that didn't happen. She explained the concept of transference to me. And that my feelings for her are a direct result of my upbringing and later events. That's all well & good - and I trust she knows what she's talking about - but in the meantime what do I do with these damn feelings?? The ones where I picture her with another man - holding hands - having dinner - dancing - laughing - having sex - and it breaks my heart that that's not me. And the guilt I feel when I look at my wife (who I love) having had such feelings. And the reality that I just can't "talk myself out" of this one. I've quit alot of stuff in my lifetime - made alot of changes - but this is BY FAR the hardest thing I ever attempted & BY FAR the most painful. Thoughts?