I've got a T appointment in less than an hour. Actually have to leave in about 20 minutes. I'm seriously anxious about this session!! The last two have been emotionally intense. I'm not sure I want to do that again today. I have a bunch of things I want to talk about...worried I won't get to them all. I've felt myself shutting down emotionally over the last few days, and I'm worried that I'll be disconnected during session.

Sigh - over a year and a half with this T...I trust her almost completely...and yet before almost every session, I get so anxious. I think, it's mostly because I'm finally really working on my issues, and it's hard, emotional work. I'm scared to access those emotions, I'm scared to deal with them. I'm scared that the emotions will trigger other things I'm trying to deal with, like SI or ED. I know my T is there for me and will help me through it...doesn't make it that much easier, though.

Just....needed to get this out somewhere before I go! Usually I'd toss it in a draft email or on textpad, but I thought...if I toss this out here, maybe someone else will understand! Gah!