I was eventually driven to ask for help, because my life was obviously heading for a major crises... which funnily enough wouldn't have bothered me, but for my son. I realised I had a responsibility to him not to completely crack up, and finally started making (initially feeble) attempts to get help. Fortunately the professionals involved more than met me half way, and eventually I was able to face the truth. Since then things have been much better, and please God I'm never that desperate again.