I just wanted to share that I went on a walk with the dog and all three of my boys. It was windy and I tried to feel the wind and breathe and listen to my silly boys and BE PRESENT. It actually did help a LOT. When we came home, I felt a lot more "here". And then my boys had music lessons, so we had to leave and I had to chat with their teacher for an hour, and that helped a lot too. Outside and music are the two things that help me the most, and it all kind of came together at once. T would love that - he would call it grace.

Thankfully, session seems FAR away now, but the feeling of being loved by T has stayed. He left me a message and said that he loves me, and that even though it doesn't feel like it, there is BIG forward movement in things like being able to reach out from my dark place to hold his hand. He reminded me of the safe things we talked about at the end of session, and about God, and grace. And he said he would be thinking about me this weekend while I get ready for Monday, and he just wanted me to know that.

So, I think I can take the good from the session (the connection) and leave the bad there for now. At least that's what I'm going to try to do.

Having someone love the young, scared part of me who was told and shown over and over again how ugly and hated and unwanted and unlovable she was is...kind of indescribable. I don't love that part of me, but T does. It's like there is this piece of me that has never felt what it's like to be loved and all of a sudden, here it IS. It feels surprising and bewildering and confusing and scary and good. All at once. Maybe what seemed impossible is possible. It's so scary, and such a gift.

((((((((PC Friends)))))))