Im no expert in relationships or anything, but I do know that you can be raped by someone that you have previously had consensual sex with. Anytime someone has sex with you against your will that is not okay. I'm glad that you're starting to realize the role that you play in the relationship pattern, even though that in NO WAY makes his actions okay. I hope you continue to try to find the strength to stand up for yourself. I know it will get stronger and stronger each time you practice keep trying.