Don't give up....perhaps you have made more progress than you think!
Change does come hard, and so often, it comes slow.....you may know better, but it still takes time to do better and to do better consistently. Everyone takes a different amount of time, some longer than others, but there need not be any shame attached to how long it takes to heal.
If I've learned anything for myself, it's that insight/'knowing better' does not necessarily mean I have all the skills I need yet to follow through on the insight....acquiring them is a gradual process, patience needed!
I have insight and self-awareness, so I tend to feel ashamed that I fall into negative thought/behavior patterns still though I know they hold me back from healing......I told my T the other day, I feel like I am less stable right now than when I started, and she said, Oh, but I can see how much you have changed and far you have come..... So, roseleigh, perhaps you too have changed and come much farther along your journey to healing than you know. Keep encouraged, keep on in the journey, there is hope as long as you are still trying!