Suga, has any therapist or psychiatrist been able to help you with those desperate feelings?
My experience so far is NO. None of them can relate to it. They try to reduce it to a diagnostic category in a manual, and throw drugs at it.
It can be incredibly lonely and insane coping with those experiences until somehow something calms down on its own - noddy badge for the meds? I don't know.
Hang in there.
TS