Your feelings are so important, and it's strange how telling the story to the right kind of listener can help. I think back to how trauma impacted my life, by over the top reactions, sitting on my living room floor with about 20 door locks I had bought over a year period, trying to keep not only the trauma memory out, but even the people that I cared about out. I sat there trying to piece the various parts of the locks together to try to find enough parts for one with a matching key, so I didn't have to go out and spend another $40. I sat there realizing how useless and nuts it all was, because what was wrong was happening inside of me. The normal everyday world, for me was filled with shadows, and terrors. Things are not like that now for me, there is hope with the right kind of help.