Yes, I have this too. I think that I'm fine with it, but every time my T brings up SI I feel overwhelmingly uncomfortable and embarrassed. I'm not sure why, it's just sort of taboo I guess. I feel like a crazy woman, and I don't like anyone knowing that I lose control like that. In fact, that's it - I think the shame for me comes from letting go of my self-control. SI is sort of primal, really. That blatant embodiment of emotional unhappiness is not the sort of thing we associate with 'civilised' societies.