Thanks, everyone, for your replies....

It definitely gives me something to really take in. I appreciate the feedback, as it will help me understand more about myself and my tendencies.

My session with T went well. We mostly talked about my migraines and T was pushing me to take that next step by calling the neurosurgeon. *sigh*

Then, we started talking about my neighbor....and I felt so awful. During the session, I told T that my neighbors eyes just keep following me, even when I close my eyes, they're there. T told me to try to alter the eyes with more kind, loving, caring eyes. I couldn't do it. He said to open my eyes and take in my surroundings....then suggested that I look at his eyes - while saying that he's concerned, he cares, and that he would never intentionally harm me and certainly not physically.

Some strange things happened physically. For one, the anxiety moved from my chest to my stomach. Secondly, my migraine shifted. Weird. I was lightheaded, but that was mainly because my breathing was so shallow which I didn't recognize until T pointed it out.

We didn't delve into working through the whole neigbor thing because that touches on so much more, and T and I didn't want to go there while I am feeling so terrible physically.

After the session, I emailed T telling him how when I am in his office, I know that I can close my eyes and still feel physically safe with him. That is huge for me. To be in a room, with the door closed, alone with a man and be able to close my eyes, knowing and actually FEELING safe is something I don't ever recall experiencing. I told him that it's bittersweet with relief although it brings incredible sadness. And I thanked him for giving that to me.