CSC in reply to your previous post b4 this last,mine does too.I hate to divulge much on that...its pretty intense/triggering info.You never 'have to' enjoy sex...that's ok to be that way.It isn't a requirement.But...I truly believe you could,if the other things between you and a partner were different.I think you are at a place where you need to be safely held,with no expectations.Maybe even only sat near to.You need healing.In essence,I wonder if it is only your experiences creating a wall and a reaction rather than the act being such a negative possibility.Here is a warm clean blanket to bundle in and snuggle away from your exposure.(((((It's ok.No one can see you CSC))))~W~