jazzy, I could have written your post!!! In fact, wasn't it just yesterday that inbloom and poetgirl, I think, were talking about starting a thread about this very issue!!!! Years ago, I wrote an essay (for myself and my T) about transference and how, after therapy, will I need another T to resolve the transference? In my case, I've gone through 1 T after another for that very reason, though I know the real reason is probably about grief.

But, the big question is: If I had not gone into therapy at all, and not gotten attached to all of my Ts, would my life have been worse, better, or the same? I HONESTLY think it may have been the same of better.

But now I'm stuck!! I called it "The transference web" back then, and that's what it feels like!!!!

I agree that there should be a coach to help us through therapy. I agree that most of us don't know what we're getting into, and suddently find ourselves with a second set of problems that are more painful than our original problem, sometimes.

Maybe this wanting and attachment to the T is common to all humans because we all have such a strong need for connection, the connection we had to our Moms before and after we were born. Judith Viorst discusses this in her book, Necessary Losses. Today's life is fragmented and many of us live behind a computer (not just us on PC) without human connection. Kids don't talk to each other as much, though I suppose texting is talking. I don't know. There's this connection, face to face, that's missing.

I don't have an answer. A friend told me last night that I'm not sick, so why am I in therapy? I tried to answer her, but it does seem like if I hadn't started therapy, I wouldn't be in this mess. But, then again, I need to grieve for my Mom and for other losses.

I think the pain and wanting we feel for our Ts represents pain we feel for our circumstances in life. There is much to grieve for in life, if it's only that we know we're all going to die.

Sorry I'm rambling on here, but I feel your pain, jazzy, and I am SO glad you started this thread. Many hugs to you!