>>>>> someone, like a coach in a sense, who could clarify why certain things happen in therapy, answer the questions you have, kinda coach you through it...
I'm so glad you said this. The therapy experience is so very alien to every part of my life that it has been enormously hard for me. I took it on myself to ask the T how the process works, what can I expect, why tranference and boundaries and containing and answering questions with questions, and all the rest.... and heaven knows how many sessions were just filled with my questions, but she was patient to answer them... and I read a lot about the process, I had to KNOW what was going on (can you tell, safety is a biiiiig issue for me). Finally finally finallly after 3yrs I can find enough trust to just let things happen... sometimes... lol

>>> i'm attached to what therapy is...that safe place, being able to talk about what i'm going through....
wow, if only therapy was that for me, but it never has been, and isn't now. For me, it's that place where the very smell of the hand soap in the ladies' room strikes a lightnig bolt of fear through me before I go into T's office....
that place where someone who is a stranger, and somehow not, is going to ask me to creak open my very private self one more time and expose my inner darkness to her searchlight, one more time...

Beforehand Ican hardly think about it, I just go. How I long for that safety everyone talks about. When do you, how do you come to an understanding that it's a safe place... and not just a place where nothing has happened yet.....?