Sailboat - I understand what you mean about 'someone having so much power over me and my life." I want independence but I guess I'm learning that all of us humans need each other. So with a T, we have someone to lean on whereas previously in our lives we may not have had a person to confide in. But maybe it's really not about someone else having power - maybe it's about finally ourselves grasping that power and realizing it and claiming it as ours. So we struggle to understand but as you said yourself, even though you don't like it you're compelled to continue. I believe that it's our true selves that are trying to find life.