Ditto what everyone else said..learning tools you can use to cope will go a long way towards connecting with your daughter.
You're doing great educating yourself so well; what a therapist can do is give you the specific tools you need for your situation and exercises that will help you turn those skills into habit. Some take time and practice - I spend 10 minutes every day sitting very still and focusing on my breathing. It's harder than it sounds, but the results are that it helps me stay more calm in a stressful situation. I have a list of things I'm supposed to do every day that my therapist has taught me and I wouldn't have known about without her help.
Hugs!