Hi,

I'll try to keep this short, (if I can).

I spent a week in the hospital the end of January after a bad reaction to an SSRI. The meds got straightened out in the hospital and they set me up with a therapist and a psychiatrist. It was my first (and hopefully last) hospitalization. It really scared me and really threw me--it seemed to come out of the blue.

I've seen the therapist they set me up with three times now, and my problem is, I just feel so burned out and flat. I've been in therapy over and over again over the course of my life, (I'll be 58 next month) and I feel like I've talked everything to death. My diagnosis is recurrent major depression with PTSD, and ending up in the hospital after a lifetime of work on this really knocked the wind out of my sails. Like, why? Why can't I fix this? Apparently I can't, I just have to learn to manage it.

This therapist wants me to write a letter to my 10-year old self and join a survivors of abuse group and all this stuff that just feels very Oprah-ish and not at all connected to my current issues. I feel like I did that kind of thing to death in the early 90s when I was in therapy for my abuse.

I just don't know what to do. I don't want to quit because I do think I do better with support, but I don't really feel engaged either. It's different this time--like, harder to get back on track, harder to care or be hopeful.

Can anyone here relate? Sometimes it just feels like a big game to me.