Dreamer;
I have been where you seem to be. I know how hopeless it can seem. My doctor made a promise to me, (a very risky thing for a psychiatrist to do, but he is an expert in this area and is not an ordinary doc by any means), he said that if I don't give up, and I go through the therapy that's needed to get through the pain, I would eventially feel better than ever before. HE WAS RIGHT! It has taken a long time, but I am having more and more of those days.

I don't know you so I can't assume anything, but one thing that helped me considerably is the Therapy called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, (DBT). It is a class /grouptherapy /individual therapy program that teaches skills in coping to replace the self abusive ones that we have learned so well. It is a very positive experience made for people like us. It takes a long time to retrain our brains from those hard wired coping mechanisms to new healthier ones but with the knowledge and practice and support of others, it has been a life saver for me and a life changing experience.

I don't know where there is a place near you that works with this but if you want some information on how to track it down, you can email me. I am not sure if it would be considered advertising if I put it here.

I wish you the best and hope that you can find the other side of this hell. listener