Gentle hugs to you sunflowers07

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time right now. It feels overwhelming and as though you are doomed to a life of eternal misery in times like these.

I have been in the same spot that you find yourself in. Life does get better as we develop more effective & healthier ways to work through our emotions. I could have sworn that my girls would NEVER love me, and all sorts of other negative beliefs. Thankfully, I was wrong. Completely wrong at that!

Focus on getting through your personal misery. Let go of the guilt (for everything real & imagined), try very hard to let go of the shame. As you get better, you can offer a sincere apology to your children for having a tough time working through whatever. Kids understand having a tough time. They understand frustration with yourself. They understand sadness. If you take just a little bit of time, and careful words, to explain where your mind is...they will understand. They will show that they care about you.

And in those moments of intense misery, remind yourself of the love and compassion that your children have shown to you. Try hard not to beat yourself up ~ you really don't deserve the misery. Gentle hugs to you. You may want to try to get into a DBT group to gain a wider perspective and some helpful techniques on making it through heavy emotions & dark thoughts.