I'm at a place in therapy in which I may have to finally talk about the most shameful part of my past. I have kept thinking that it wouldn't be necessary - that I would be able to solve my other problems without having to 'come clean'.
My T knows there is something else that is too scary to talk about. I'm am so scared that our relationship will be altered and damaged once she knows the truth about me. I'm also scared that everything going forward in our talks will somehow reflect that awful place.
I feel like I need to do this but honestly I don't know where to get the courage. Just thinking about doing it is making my heart race and my stomach sick. Will I regret it if I finally expose myself?
I want to talk to T again in next session and ask her how to find the courage. Today she just said that I'll know when it's the right time. I responded by telling her that there will never be a right time.
One question I thought of for my T is what kind of issues has she encountered in her practice. Maybe if I learned that she had worked with clients in that area previously I would feel more confident in her ability to resist despising me.
Any ideas on how to do this?