I'm here, squiggle.....but I'm feeling rather empty, too, and numb.....so the best I have for you here is to just let it be and not make any decisions about going/not going right now! And maybe sometimes, trying too hard to make the emotions come is sort of counterproductive to making them come.....I think I am experiencing this right now, so I sort of feel like not even worrying about if I will ever cry in therapy, or otherwise at all! A meltdown will probably come when you aren't expecting it or trying to make it come....