For me, talking about talking about it helps a LOT. I might say "I need to tell you something, but I'm scared"...and we talk about the fear, about how hard therapy can be, about what it feels like to be so exposed. Sometimes, it makes me feel safe enough to tell a little bit...and when that goes okay, and T still accepts me, and sits there being his calm, consistent self, I might be able to say a little more.

Sometimes T will ask me if I can tell him the easiest part about the hard thing. And I will try to figure out what that is...maybe where I was, or how old I was or something. Just telling a little helps.

And often, if I just can't say the words I write them down. I'll write them on a pad of paper or a little white board, and T will either sit next to me and read along, or I'll hand it to him across the room. We've literally done entire sessions writing back and forth to each other.

I'm learning that I just have to find a way to get it OUT. It might be a slow, slow, slow process, just telling a tiny tiny bit at a time, but eventually the story is out, and there is some relief in that...not at first, but later, when I can experience T accepting me and loving me in spite of whatever I told him.

(((((((((((suratji)))))))))))) Sometimes therapy is really, really hard.