Been manic for 2 weeks now and it is NOT somewhere I want to be. The last few days the irritability and aggression have become incredibly distressing. Feelings of flying speed and intensely focused drive with confused thoughts have given way to an indescribably negative and destructive anger that wants to destroy everything I have stood for or have hoped in. I have insanely loud heavy metal and screaming blasting in my head continuously, and any tiny little thing that doesn't do what it should is a trigger to smash it to pieces. I'm not safe to be around people. I desperately need to get this under control, but I don't trust our hospitals and medical staff at all. They are a bunch of scheming lunatics who will sooner strap me to bed and poison me with sedatives and reduce me to an ICD10 code or DSMIV label and stuff me into a little pill bottle to shelve me in a system where the staff are so negligent and understaffed that they care diddly squat about the person they are "treating".

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!