Sorry you're feeling so bad, Caroline. I'm glad you called your doc. Was there any reason you didn't tell him that you were feeling suicidal when you talked to him? Are you afraid of his reaction, or just don't want to deal with it?

Anyway, don't be afraid to call him back and ask him for some guidance about when to take your meds. The thing about whether or not your reactions are reasonable or not is really hard to sort through. Maybe you could set up a little scale for yourself. 0=I feel great, 10=This is the worst I've ever felt in my life. Then you can say, "Okay, when I get to a 7 (or 8, or whatever) I'm going to take my valium."

Just a thought. Keep in mind I'm not a doctor!