It sounds like part of you wants to go to the hospital to be safe, but you don't trust the staff to treat you well. In my manic/mixed states, I feel like my treatment team is trying to make me worse. It is because my mind is running so fast and there is no room for rational thought.

What if you took a risk and called someone from your treatement team or the Er just to see if they can help you? For the most part, people who get into the profession of helping people with MI are there because they care.