Hey Cesario,
how are you today? Did you buy the alcohol? I used to do that when I felt as down as you do, or when I felt desperately afraid and anxious. In the end it made everything worse, my depressions lasted longer, my temper frayed, and I've had to give it up completely because it just puts me into a despairing tale spin.

Do you have a therapist, or any kind of professional help? Have you been prescribed any meds?

(((hug))) It does get better.