thank you, MUE....I so appreciate the support! Just writing it out helped a lot.....I use writing as a coping tool so often. And knowing there's support here helps too.....even knowing people are simply reading what I've posted, whether they reply or not helps. I know in the end it's me who has to deal with my pain and my wounds and find good ways to cope, to continue, to endure......it's always been me enduring and coping alone, this reaching out and sharing so much more of the pain and asking for help is a new thing for me! And I'm finding it does help a lot ..... and knowing that I do have a T who does care as much as she possibly can helps too.
Part of what's going on with me now isn't just this longing, this 'void' feeling.....I think a great part of the melancholy/depression that has settled its leaden cloak over me is a biochemical thing, not just a situational thing. But it sure accentuates the 'void' feeling, which in turn exacerbates the heavy weight of the depression! I feel some distinction somewhere in there between the two, but the boundary is so blurred it doesn't really matter where one ends and the other begins......