Hi Country Boy, I'm sorry to hear you're so frustrated. Keep searching, you'll find the right counsellor and support to get you thru this. I know you're afraid to open up, but if you really want to start overcoming this situation, you have to be willing to share what's going on inside of you with a counsellor. It's not easy, especially the first few attempts, but keep pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone and you'll eventually find it easier to share.

Hope I've helped even a little bit.