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Men and women express their love in different ways. After 25 years of marriage my husband still makes sexual comments ALL of the time. There were times when I was medicated that I took issue with it because I had a circular “logic” that he was saying “I don’t get enough sex” therefore I would get irritated and angry and be even less in the mood etc. You see the cycle. One AD made me numb from the waist down and sex just flat out irritated me.
You have to talk these things out. What he’s saying and what you are hearing may be two completely different things. My husband believes that I should feel… treasured/special/wanted that he still acts like a hormonal teenager after all of this time. He wasn’t saying these things to bother me (even though they did).
One issue that we really struggled with was him touching my breasts at random times (as we were lying in bed watching TV or whatever) or patting my behind when I walked by him. He saw it as a sign of affection; I saw it as an invasion. I don’t know why, it hadn’t bothered me in the past. He really didn’t understand until I laid it out on the table in no uncertain terms: “I don’t like it when you do that, it makes me feel like a piece of meat. I know you’re trying to make loving gestures but it only makes me angry.” Oh, then there is the is HIS issue that by rejecting these advances does not mean I am rejecting him.
So I guess the bottom line is you have to ask him what his motives are. Is he trying to be cute and get you in the mood or is he being passive-aggressive? Even if it is the former, let him know that even though he isn’t trying to make you feel inadequate, that is what his comments do. Whether you’re being overly sensitive or not really isn’t the issue. This is something that is bothering you and if the relationship is going to work there has to be communication, compromise, and compassion.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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