((((((poetgirl)))))) I feel for you because I have similar feelings. It hurts so much!! I can't get the "quote thing" to work. I wanted to quote almost everything in your post! I also write a lot instead of crying. I never thought of it that way but the writing is a release. I have to write! It seems that the attachment to our T adds another dimension to our suffering but I'm starting to think it's all one and the same. For me, I'm grieving the same as you are, that my T in no way can give me all the love I want. I know it's illogical, but in some warped way I thought my Ts could replace my mother. I never stopped thinking that, so I have to grieve for that loss as well as the actual loss of my Mom. I think the grief that my T can't give me the love I want, that I didn't get or did get, is worse than the grief for my mother. It's all blurred together, though. I don't have the answer, but I echo "if only it didn't hurt". My T says "the best way out is always through" to quote Robert Frost, and I truly hope you, I and the others feeling this hurt and pain will eventually find our way through and out to more peace in our hearts and our lives.