Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
((((((((((Squiggle)))))))))))
Twice during my therapy, I thought I was feeling an erotic transference for my T...and both times when I told him about it..*poof*...it vanished. VANISHED. I think in those situations, the feelings were so big in my head and when I got them out in the open, it turned out to be not such a big deal. Like so many of the things in my head 
I honestly think the best thing to do is just. keep. showing. up. Every week, week in and week out. Feelings will come and go, but if we don't show up to do the work, we can't move forward. So. Go if you feel attached, go if you don't feel attached, go if you want to go, go if you want to run away. For me, that was the only way to work through the craziness that is the therapeutic relationship.
Sending hugs...therapy is hard work! |
You are right about once I confessed my feelings, they vanished. Poof! Instantly. You know what's weird? I miss those feelings. Even though it was driving me nuts, I kinda liked the fantasy that I had going on in my mind.
Your advice to just. keep. showing. up. is something that I struggle with. I sent my therapist an email tonight addressing whether or not I should come on Monday. I normally journal a lot and bring that to sessions. I have nothing to bring on Monday. Nothing at all! I am not used to being unprepared.
For the first 9 months or so, I just walked into session with nothing. Once I had my breakthrough in December, I bring something to session every time. My therapist thinks this is helping me to stay focused and to be able to address things that I can't just bring up with having them written down.
I am sure that she will be fine if I don't bring anything on Monday. She will probably say something like,
"You need to allow yourself to just 'be'. Don't put so many demands on yourself. Changing up things in therapy can be very healing. This may be what you need to do to finally get the breakthrough you have been wanting. Silence can be very healing. I will not leave the room or ask you to leave if you don't want to discuss anything. I will sit with you and be there for you. We can talk when you feel you are ready. Nothing is stupid in therapy, so stop putting that on yourself. Don't limit yourself by what you 'think' you 'should' do."
I hope she is right. In the beginning of my therapy, silence was not healing at all! It was grueling. Now that I know her and I understand more about therapy, maybe the silence won't be as bad.