I have no idea why I do this? How can I harden my heart? What is my defect? This falls under self abusive. If I know it hurts to open....wtf do I do it?....what ever.I just don't understand my defect.I have such an open door.I need bolts,locks,screws,whatever.Just keep the door shut.Why do I allow ppl in?uuugggghhhhhhhhh I think I am on the verge of final shut down.I may have a few mood swings before that's final...but I just think I'm very close to that.