Has anybody here ever had a strong fear that they may turn into their parents one day?
I think of this everyday. I know that mental illnes is hertitary. My mother and father are both very ill people.
My mother is an obsessive, controlling, paranoid, jealous, and manaic person. She throws huge tantrums when she don't get her way. She verbally shoots you down with words I would never mention here in Psych. For example *****, worthless, and loser. She manipulates and messes with my sister's and my heads.
My father is a minister who obsesses about God. He prays for 12 hours a day, and once when I was 14, him and the church restrained me to perform an exorsism. He's very paranoid that the evil in the world is coming for him.
Everyday I fear I will be like them. When I look in the mirror thier images haunt me. There genes are swimming in my blood.
The way I talk, walk, flip my hair, do my dishes, fold my sheets, and everything else is the way my parents had once done it. They are inside of me, unconsciencsly or not.
I don't want to become my mother and father. What can I do to stop this cycle of illness? All I want is for my children to have a healthy and stable mother, so one day will be healthy and stable too. How do I forget my parents and move on and become my own person?
Desirae
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