Thanks all for your replies.

When I look back now, it was my hypervigilance that saved their lives more than once.

I slept with one eye open and one foot on the ground. Saved them from overdose after overdose where they were pronounced dead on arrival but brought back to life.

Also saved them/us/house from burning dowwn from them falling asleep with cigarettes.

I worked so hard at sounding the alarms and saving them. It was hard for me to feel like I failed them in the end. (Even though my head knows the truth, my heart still is confused.) I now face survivors guilt.

Thanks again for letting me vent.

Petunia