Yes, I fear and slip over the edge occassionally. Each time I fall into their trap, I hate myself even more.

I didn't think I would ever do or say the things that happened but after finding another source of physical abuse (first boyfriend- that's for the hospital visit!) I guess it reinforces that behavior.

It's like I can actaully feel my father come alive inside my body (so to speak), something will trigger and, as I was told for years, 'the only way I [father] can get my point across is raising my voice-just getting your attention".

Since I was married for so many years, I've never spent so much time alone raising my children and now I'm not even working. I wish my T appoitment was last week but it's not until next week.

I'm on the Titanic and I know help is on the way but sometimes I feel as if I'm sinking fast.

I hope this makes sense and I'm afraid of the responses I may get. I just want to get rid of half of me.