((((((((((((((carrie))))))))))))))))) i am so sorry you are going through such dark times. I have been there myself. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone, and I am hearing you. Sometimes it is good to focus on your five sense and get yourself into pleasurable sensations, such as smelling a nice fragrance, or looking at pretty pictures, or taking a nice warm shower/bath (if your SI doesn't sting too much from it), or listening to music or sounds you like, or even (as long as you dont have problems with comfort eating), eating a tasty snack, like a piece of candy or chocolate if you like. Those are some things to ground me back into reality and not focus on the bad SI thoughts as much. Not like it will cure you, but maybe it will help ease the suffering just a little if you try. I'm really not sure how much coping skills you have already tried or if any of this would help you. But I've got nothing to lose to share this. Take care, Carrie, and I hope you find some more pleasure and good things that motivate you to get out of bed.