Laura, I understand a lot of what you are saying. I wish I had some answers for you but all I can offer to you is encouragement to be open and honest with your pdoc in everything and work with him to find the right treatment for you. It may take some time but push through it and work hard. You can do it. Just believe in yourself and do all you can to regain control of your life. Easy to say, hard to do. I know. But it is worth the effort.