Lots of Cesario! I'm so sorry you're feeling so crappy lately. It is terrible the things the depression monster tells us when it is taking over rational thought... Sooooo hard to believe that it is lying to you, yet it IS.

I struggle mightily with the social thing, isolation and loneliness too. I know it sounds weird to say, but know that you are not alone in that.

Is your T on board with the no meds thing? I can scarely imagine how hard that is. Once you get the swings figured out, I hope you can come up with something that works well for you.

Since it seems you are a cat person, I hope that you are able to have one in your apartment. If not, a suggestion if I may? Guinea pig. Since they live in an enclosure, it may be something more allowed by your apartment manager. (Of course, it's fun to let them have "floor time" --just keep your electrical cords and munchy plants out of reach -- you can "hide" bit of vegetables around for them to run around and find. They are such gentle creatures. (I'm afraid of hamsters and such.) Many many is the night I've spent with them curled up on an old towel on my lap snuggling and watching dvds...