I've had a lot of changes and things happen the last year for me.. I got my first boyfriend, my dog that I had for 11 years died, my parents are divorcing and acting like bratty teenagers that hate each other, I started a new job, got my first car... My OCD is getting way out of control and it's very embarrassing. I'm having a really hard time concentrating. And lately I've been forgetting things...like numbers and how to turn the lights on in my car. I usually love talking to my friends and now I feel like keeping up a conversation is like work.

My boyfriend keeps telling me that I never tell him my opinions,thoughts,emotions,ideas... He feels like I don't let him in. When he asks me what I'm thinking about I always have to say "I don't know" or make something up because I really don't know how to express my thoughts. I feel like I've completely numbed myself to all feelings good or bad. I can't think clearly..I just want to eat and sleep all the time. Like my body is on autopilot and I'm just watching it do my OCD rituals and eat and do basic survival functions. The worst thing is not being able to communicate with my boyfriend though. He broke up with me recently because of it..but we're back together now. We're both 22 and have been dating about 10 months.

He thinks I'm keeping my emotions and opinions from him and not letting him in but I really just DON'T KNOW how to say them or sometimes I just feel like a zombie and my mind is blank and I just feel tired. We keep having these times when something weird will happen and he'll get upset and I just won't have a clue why he's reacting that way. I feel crazy! And then he'll keep talking and telling me what he's feeling and I sit there in silence while he tries to get me to talk to him. And usually I have to be away from the situation and think about it on my own to understand better and then I text him what my feelings were or are. I know he really wants to know me better, he wants to know all my emotions and opinions and thoughts. He wants me to let him in. And I REALLY want to but I don't know how. I feel like there's something wrong with me..

Is this depression? Is it major sleep deprivation? Am I just defective?? I don't understand...

What do you guys think?