an extremely bad day today...but my problem...not yours...I didn't want to write bad things that happen to me anymore...just wanted to be positive...but it hurts so much in my soul that I want to read things like, get better, hope your feeling better, be strong, Lyle...that's my real name...is it wrong to want to hear things that make me feel better? pretty sad... God it hurts so much and I don't even know what hurts so much...all I know is that I want to belong somewhere...I don't want be an outsider...my whole life I've been an outsider...alone with this whole world just weighing me down...even the writing is starting to fail me...everything I write sounds just like everything else I've written...started this post over a few times...and if I'm so bloody messed up...well I thankyou for the crying shoulder...just wish it was over...