Father issues are huge for me...My father was a narcissist. I've read a bit about this - narcissism can take root when a child is neglected and invalidated. It happened to both my parents at the hands of their own abusive parents. You never get enough of what you need, so you're constantly attending to yourself, the way you'd be doing if you had a head wound and it was constantly bleeding. When you've got a wound like that, you can't afford a moment to think of anything other than what's happening to you. I understand that my father was in great pain most of his life. And I feel compassion for him now, long after he's been gone. But the fact is he did horrendous damage to me. And it's definitely not the kind of thing that can ever be fixed, as you're asking. Unfortunately!

You have to live with the damage, manage it like a chronic disorder.

For me, I know I have a tendency to run headlong straight at any remotely attractive guy who resembles my father. It's an irresistible challenge - I've got to make this unavailable guy accept me at last, and that way I can resolve the main issue of my childhood. But when I choose someone who doesn't accept me, what's built into the situation is a person who can't respond to me. Just like my father, this guy will never change. He can't be reached, and it's his issue, not really mine. But I spiral into this thing where I'm blaming myself -- what did I do wrong, what didn't I say, why why why can't he see how wonderful and sweet and adorable I am? Why does he treat me like the enemy?

Chasing men who are remote, withdrawn, withholding, is a dead end. And I know that. Yet that need for the unrecoverable love of my dad never goes away. So I have this pattern. And as you can see I'm aware of it, but I'm firmly in the grip of it, like, ALL the time.