If you tell what you just said to your school councellor, they are bound by law to get you help. Being suicidal, or even just having repeated thoughts about it is very serious. I am not trying to scare you, but please ask for help. I have been there. I also know other kids your age who have been there. and have gotten got help by doing this.

It sounds like your parents may not be the best route. I say, go talk to the school councellor, if that doesn't work, try a school social worker, a nurse or find a help line/crisisline/walk-in councelling center. I don't know where you live and what resources are there. If all else fails call the hospital in your area, the emergency department be able to get you help. They may send an ambulence.. If you are in an emergency situation, don't hesitate. If you are able to, it may be better just to go to the nearest emergency room. They will take care of your parents. They will let your mother know that you need help and hopefully help your father accept that fact. If you seek out the help you need yourself, you are not putting your mother in a hard spot with your father. I've been there too.

You don't need to wait until it is critical to seek this kind of help. Depression is caused by a chemical action in your brain that isn't functioning properly. There are professionals who can help you with councelling and possibly medication. The sooner you get help in your life, the better. It doesn't have to be a lifelong problem.

I give you a lot of encouragement in that you have reached out here. Please take care of what you need. Your right, waiting 2-3 years is too long. Please don't worry about money when it's your life that is your concern. Depression is treatable. Many very high functioning and important people have had depression. It sounds like you are included with these.

I wish you the best. Pleease continue to seek help.
Listener