Suz,

You two sound a bit like me and my ex...we stayed together for many years despite just such conflicts. Even now we love each other. I simply can't live with the abuse if I hope to survive. (Like I'm doing a great job there, but that's for abother forum!).

What you have to realize is that, in a committed relationship, love and pain are two sides of the same coin. The thing you have to keep in mind, is that you don't get just one, you get both.