I feel really weird posting this, but I don't feel like I can talk to my counselor anymore about this, and I can't really talk to my friend about it. I am stressing over it really badly, and at the same time trying desperately not to sabotage something that is obviously good for me and a wonderful budding friendship.

I have this new friend. . .for maybe the last six months or so. "Kim" is a very sweet person, and we are compatible in many, many ways. We like the same books, the same movies, the same kinds of music. We have a lot of similar interests, and are both happily married. The problem is this, Kim is very . . .I don't know. . .normal? She doesn't push me much, knowing I don't like to be touched, but she DOES give me a hug when she sees me, and often she will still hug even when she feels me tense up. She told me once, "Might as well relax cause I ain't letting go." I have talked to my T about this, and he says she is good exposure therapy. LOL Sounds like a daggum shrink, eh? If I tell her, "Please don't touch me" she won't. She knows when NOT to touch me, and when to push beyond my walls and love on me anyway.

Here's the sick thing - I don't know if I can actually say this. Grrrr. . .I LIKE it. I love the safe feeling I experience in the circle of her arms. It isn't a sexual thing, please don't think that. But, somehow, I know she isn't going to hurt me, and I know she doesn't have ulterior motives to her affection. We see each other at church, and when I get out of the car and head into the building, I am struggling b/t fearing that she is going to hug me, and CRAVING her hug. Why do I crave something that sometimes is so uncomfortable? I don't know. . .maybe I am really bonkers. I don't know how to talk to T about this anymore.