i understand how hard it can be. sometimes i feel like my brain and body just don't agree. i hate to be touched and yet sometimes, even knowing what it triggers i just crave it. and so i sit there, indecisive, wondering how anyone in the world could be so incredibly messed up, and then i just say okay, because its human, because its something that just makes life worth living, the way it feels to have someone hold you. and sometimes you get lucky because when they do, you feel safe (and then maybe later you freak out ) but its worth it for that moment of warmth and security.
I hope that helps some.