<font color="red">~~EXTREME SI TW~~</font>



I want to hurt myself.

I feel like if I hit my head, burn or cut my arm, bite my hand hard enough--or enough times...I may finally FEEL. I may feel human of some sort.

The rhythm of my hitting my head soothes something inside me.
The sizzle of burning, which turns into a tangible presense sometimes lets me know I am real.
The feeling of blood trickling down my arm is the only thing I feel when I cut.
Biting tires my jaw, so I feel that...and also leaves a temporary tangible presence.

I don't know how to feel...this is the only feeling I get...at all, the ones I listed. How do I get past this? CAN I get past this? I don't really care, either way...but I know others do. They don't like it and find it surprising to say the very least.

*bang, bang, bang* always in threes
*burn, burn, burn, burn, burn* always in fives
*cut, cut, cut* always in threes
*bite, bite, bite, bite, bite* always in fives

I want to so badly...just for a brief moment to feel...

...just to feel...