((((((kebsfroggy))))))) I know the feeling of nothing changing despite many years of trying all sorts of things, and I understand the resulting sense of futility, despair. Speaking only for myself, I fall easily into "autopilot" of negative thoughts and beliefs, which trigger the negative emotions, particularly hopelessness, confusion about direction, and paralysis.It requires some mental energy to confront the part of my illness that's generated by negative beliefs. Sometimes, that's more mental agility than I possess in that moment. I'm trying to see that in between those horrible states, there are moments that are worthwhile. It may not seem like much, but it contradicts the beliefs that it's all awful, all the time.

I'm not at all minimizing your struggle, your pain, which is quite real. I wish you strength to manage, and wish healing for you too.