So...2005 has been tossed out w/ the spoiled leftovers.
We all count down 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 Happy New Year...we shout it as if it is a prayer to whatever god you believe in that somehow, some way this "new year" will be better.
I have done that now for the past 13 or 14 years. Same old crap lingers in my head from my past...now I just add more to it with each passing year.
I will sometimes have the power to think my soul can be restored. There are sometimes quiet moments when I think just maybe this will be the day, the hour...that peace will shine inside my deranged mind and my demaged soul.
But even if it sparks...it is just a flicker. And it never ignites lasting healing or peace of mind.
I continue to numb it out in any way possible. I play the game. I play the part. I will be who you want me to be, act how you want me to act, take on the role that best fits the situation I am in...but deep down in the bottom of my soul...and all around twisting in my head I realize I am a spawn of Satan and have nothing good inside of me that is worthwhile or useful.